Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
The uberlube is also flammable
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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