I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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