She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Randomize
