Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
