Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
