i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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