wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
