did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
