Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
