i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
