OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
