what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Your shirt... Was in my pants
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
