His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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