we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Randomize
