i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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