the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
