Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
