She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
