her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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