Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize