Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Still dying that you shit outside
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
