My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
