I'm lost and stupid without you.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
