you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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