Duck Duck Cougar?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
