So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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