beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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