Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
