I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize