Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
