Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
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