I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
