Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
