he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
