We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
We had to coat check the pizza.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
