I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
