Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
