Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Randomize
