she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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