Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
