Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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