We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
