If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
