I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
