I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
