I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
is wine microwaveable?
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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