When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
MIDGETS
????
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
