I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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