You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
as a side note pls kill me
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
