Only a mothe r could love this liver
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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