Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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