dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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