She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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