I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Randomize
