Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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