1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize