it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
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