So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
