I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
