I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
