That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
