Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
