So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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