My hand turned me down
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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