I'm pants shitting drunk right now
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
