Jerry, you need to find god
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
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