He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
