Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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