im about as happy as oj after his trial
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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