It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
