So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Randomize
