the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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