I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Randomize
