so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
