Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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