The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
