where does the pee come out of this thing
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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