I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
