went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
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